I have been a Mom for 8 years now...
It is the most difficult work I've ever done and simultaneously, the most rewarding. Positive feedback is ongoing. I try to do my best in each developmental phase. I plan age-appropriate and challenging activities...within reason. I'm not a martyr.
I'm a human being. If there is something I'm not enjoying, I stop. I'm not much of a joiner for the sake of it. I say "no" when I want to, with increasing awareness for my limits. "No" is a positive expression and dear friend of sanity. Good intentions and being spread thin, don't support my family fulfillment, film career (or afternoon napping when needed).
That said, there are many things I can not say no to, regarding children. Acquisition of food, clothing and shelter are a full-time pursuit. Kids demand your time and attention despite day job, business or flu related fatigue. You can drag your butt around adults, but kids rarely let you get away with it.
Enter the Wing-Mom or should I say Winged? (meaning Angel):
My younger sister, Amy, recently came up from Calgary to help on a birthday party weekend. We tag teamed prep and both had fatigue related illness interject -- When I was laying down she was up and vice versa. The party was something my daughter looked forward to for weeks, planned and arranged...I was not able to say even a tiny "NO".
At one point Amy stated, "So this is what parenting's like..." I said, "Not really...not for me anyway." I continued with "This is what it would be like IF there were two parents working together." Amy's been a great partner through the years with the kids...and during business events.
The hostess with the mostess!
Having a Wing-Mom was such a gift. We pushed through pain together, pulled off the party, crawled home, put the girls to bed and laughed over a glass of wine and jell-o mould antics.
Children Taking Flight:
As my daughters grow, hands-on requirements lessen, but mental challenges keep me on my toes. Why does this person do that? Why is the world like this? Why? Why? Why? I keep it honest. If someone is unkind, it's usually because it has helped them get along in the world -- it's not right, but it just is...it would help them to change, if they see a new way of being. Show, don't tell.
I teach the girls about energy exchange and even "grown-ups" may try to take energy....and the best response to hurt is to heal, anger is love, etc. Be the change you wish to see...which becomes easier as they have opportunity to practice...
Nurturing the Dreams of Children:
We share our dreams and they see me pursuing mine. I want them to. I want them to do what resonates with them, to make the world a better place and see the work required to bring dreams to life. They see my process...the mess of cables, the cluttered desk, the felt markers, drawings and photos strewn about.
I also got to see this in my youth. Mom and Dad pursued their careers in tandem, surrounding us with their dreams...inviting us to their worlds...Dad was on various construction sites and the farm. Mom took us to school to work on bulletin boards, watch science experiment trials and lesson planning.
We were always welcome in their working environs.
I continue to watch them discover who they are in retirement. Self-discovery is a never ending road. I hope my girls feel comfortable in and out of post-secondary education throughout their lives.
Children's dreams for us:
After considering all the opportunities I want for children, it surprises me when they want opportunities for me...
Last night I had prepared a sample family video DVD. The girls love watching themselves as babies and in general. This is the unparallelled education of parenting...kids teach us as much or more, than we teach them.
My daughter said, "Mom, you make really good movies!". She looked at me wide-eyed --- an earnestness came over her..."really good...Papa should make you a building in a big city, so you can work." Then she looked around the room...
(Side note: my digital equipment had taken over the living room and covered the coffee table. Cables ran from a camera on the tripod, to the a/v inputs on the TV. A huge collage of film concepts for act 1, 2, and 3 has taken over my longest bedroom wall - floor to ceiling! In general -- when the kids go to their Dad's, our two bedroom apartment transforms into a working production studio).
Then she looked at me shyly and continued, "then maybe people could come, see them and maybe want to buy them?" I choked up. She quickly said, "Only if you want to!" I said she was right, that is the direction I'm going with my work. I told her she discovered the truth of every dreamer. To work at what you love AND receive income...
I explained we won't be selling family movies...but someday there will be films I want to share with the world.
I was so grateful for her pure statement of appreciation. This is the first time she's seen really seen what Mommy can do. Most of the time they see Aunty painting or other Aunty's travelling post-cards...but I'm cooking, cleaning, doing dishes and laundry. But now, they are older and in school, giving me more time to work on my business.
Kids like to see their parents thrive!
I have been working for me a long time now. I love putting images to music...collaborating with others to make beautiful work...and had just decided to "go for it" the past weekend, with a wee camera and consumer level software...
I'd like to upload a a higher-res version of "The Tide is Turning", when I upgrade from consumer software. Right now compression and frame-rates are a challenge. the red-one, a mac desktop (with two monitors) and final cut pro are coming at some point. Maybe I should go visit Santa too??
New tech-toys aside, I was e-chatting with a friend from SAIT last night. The digital age and going tapeless has helped multi-media creators. What took me 8 hours with my consumer gear yesterday, would have taken days (and $$$$) in film school; shooting, developing, printing and digitizing film... that's not including audio capture on Nagra reels...huge hard drives for effects rendering...and lest we forget the beast (the Steinbeck)!
Mer-Maid Lemon-Aid for Mom's and Martyrs:
I keep on keepin' on. I work hard on my connection to source...as hard as I do making lunches, supporting dictee (french spelling tests), incorporating family events and fresh-baked muffins for breakfast...I love both of these worlds equally. I do have it all.
Dream Big and Often!
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