"They" say you have to die to yourself, to transmute. I have been mirrored repeatedly, by an unwelcomed, transmutational life-force...
The Moth:
For those who know me best, moths were a life-long, loathed companion. I shiver-down-my-spine, duck-under-furniture, HATED them...gross, erratic, fuzzy, thick, fluttery..."Yuck!" an understatement. Too juicy for me to kill (without tremors of disgust), I preferred to run fast and far to escape an encounter.
An integral part of my creative process (especially throughout April), is to decide what parts of me I like, what I don't and where to focus evolution. This April was about banishing fears that linger and contemplative moments. Why are they fears in the first place?
Flutter-Byes:
The moth phobia was challenged 3 summers ago. Supported by my Sister and Mom, we decided to go to a local butterfly pavilion. They modelled behaviour, I tried to follow. Mom's an elementary school teacher and therefore, very enthusiastic about certain topics. Her passion for butterflies is contagious -- understandable too, as they are akin to lovely rainbow faeries!
Moths --- the jury was still out, but I continued to build their case...since we share the planet...
As I entered my first butterfly pavilion, at the Devonian Gardens, every fibre in my body screamed out. I gingerly stepped on the brick path, completely surrounded...careful not to step on any wee flyers.
Mom explained tidbits and trivia accumulated through years of teaching; regarding species, coloration and location origins...it helped to see critters through her eyes.
My sister played it cool. I tried to model that as well.
"No flaling...no flaling...keep arms at sides...you can do it!" and so-on went the inner monologue. Step, by cringing step, I faced this unexplained terror.
A highlight (?) was standing inches from a moth with the wingspan of an Eagle (exaggeration for effect) . Rooted to the spot, I stared, creeped out and fascinated simultaneously...what is the big deal? This was the biggest deal I'd ever seen!
Mine, was not a lingering presence, just long enough to know I wasn't running any longer... Chest heaving, I stepped out into the sunshine and shook it off...ahhh. Clearly, I was alive. People always told me moths couldn't hurt me.
They were right. I however, hurt me many times reacting to them.
Apt Illumination for Reactivity:
I nearly hit the ditch many times, when moths came at me through car vents.
I fell many a time, while flaling, ducking and diving.
I gashed appendages and joints.
I would nearly strip to skivvy's in public when they were nestled in clothing (which happened more than once). Various wriggle dances occurred while locating the nearest change facility.
I refused to play cards by lamplight and required arm lengthening aids to stoke fires (when camping).
It was not riguor mortis, but lactic acid, reducing movement in post-pavilion days.
Totem Take-Two:
While I embraced these creatures' planetary presence nearly 3 years ago, it wasn't until Easter Sunday (2009), that I Googled moth symbology. Native teachings say you should pay great attention to totems you didn't choose AND those you fear.
Check AND Check.
I researched...
- Moth's fur is so sensitive it acts like a sonar and some die if hairs are removed.
- Their nocturnal flight is guided by the moon (but there is still a great deal unknown regarding flight patterns and behaviour).
- Camoflage is an important survival quality.
- Moths symbolize awakening of psychic abilities and the female energies.
For more on these amazing creatures, I recommend Googling sources better than I! Suffice it to say, I laughed out loud repeatedly.
MerMade LemonAid - The Tide that Binds:
Moths, with a totemic connection to the moon, inspired unexpected and sudden inspiration regarding The Aquarian "Nosfaera" beings. Our story's moon driven souls, work on the other side of the veil, ferrying the in-light-end...
Are moths a simpler living example of what we will encounter during evolution? The larvae-pupae-moth transition seems so unreal! Proof anything is possible...
Flapping gowns brought a smile to my face, during the shoot in Lethbridge and while I prefer fluttering fabric to intimate moth proximity, these creatures are mystical.
I would never have connected moths (formerly loathed) to the Aquarians (very much loved)...Which is how the tide turns on an ongoing basis. Ideas come in and out in waves...kissing the shoreline, depositing debris, then retreating to the vastness of possibility.
When I create authentically, ideas feel random. Strands connect the web over time. It is rarely something I'd choose...Lunar navigator, sonar sensor, erratic flyer and persistent prodding friend...
I finally see you!
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